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Examples of our clear writing

Some examples of our editing work:

Original Version
Progression to the higher part of the salary scale is be subject to your personal performance in meeting these criteria which will be discussed with you once you have started work.
Our Editing
When you start work we will explain how you can progress onto the higher salary scale.

Original Version
Prior to building the database the needs of communications and operations will need to be established in order that the criteria upon which the design is based are correct.
Our Editing
To make sure that the design criteria are correct, we need to establish the needs of communications and operations before building the database.

Original Version
Apparently the former owner of this property some forty years ago when planting a hedge enclosed a strip of the Common within his garden.
Our Editing
Forty years ago, the former owner of this property enclosed a strip of the common within his garden when planting a hedge.

Original Version
Payment of your salary will be on the last working day of each month and will be by credit transfer into a bank or building society.
Our Editing
We pay your salary by credit transfer to your bank or building society account on the last working day of each month.

Original Version
Please be assured that your Association will be consulted on detailed proposals at the appropriate time.
Our Editing
As soon as we have the detailed proposals, we will be pleased to ask your association for your views.

Original Letter

Dear Sirs

policy number 1234 Automatic washing machine

Further to your letter dated the 4th of July regarding the above.

We advise that the period of insurance for the above policy was from the 1st of March 1997 to the 1st of March 1998. The premium for this period was 46.80. This was to be paid on a quarterly basis through the account by direct debit. The first two instalments have been applied for and paid in March and June. The remaining instalments need only be paid if the policy is to continue.

If the policy is to continue we require either a cheque for 23.40 or the completion of a direct debit mandate for two instalments of 11.70 to be debited in September and December 1997. A direct debit mandate is enclosed for completion if this is necessary.

We trust we have clarified the situation and look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully

Our Editing

Dear Sirs

policy number 1234

Thank you for your letter of 4 July 1998 regarding Mr D M W's washing machine policy.

The policy premium was 46.80 and runs from 1 March 1997 to 1 March 1998. The first two quarterly instalments were paid in March and June.

If your clients wish to continue the policy, they should forward a cheque for 23.40, or complete the enclosed direct debit form so that we can collect two payments of 11.70.

I hope this has clarified the policy details, but if you need further information, please contact us again quoting the policy and reference numbers.

This is an example of legalese from an agreement for sale

Original Version
1 sentence, 96 words
This Agreement shall be binding upon and enure for the benefit of the successors of the parties but shall not be assignable, save that the Purchaser may, at any time assign all or any part of its rights and benefits under this Agreement, including the Warranties and any cause or action arising under or in respect of any of them, to any transferee of all or any part of the Business Assets or to any Affiliate of the Purchaser who may enforce them as if he had also been named in this Agreement as the Purchaser.
Our Editing Version
2 sentences, 38 words
This agreement binds anyone who takes over from, or succeeds any of the parties. Only the purchaser may transfer the agreement, or any part of it, to an affiliate, who will then have the right to enforce it.